I wish I were having the problem of eyes being shut; however, they are wide freakin' open. I can't explain why I am wide awake at 11 pm on a Thursday. I am a huge supporter of sleep! In fact, I include napping as a hobby. I am usually dead to the world at 10 pm most week nights, and 11 is pushing it for weekends.
I got home from small group tonight a little later than normal, and on a normal small group night I would get into PJs right away and be on my way to the land of nod. I walked in my bedroom (or as I like to call it, where the magic happens) tonight to do the usual straight-into-PJs routine, but I didn't want to. I stretched a little, thought about changing, and realized I wasn't that tired. Yawning occasionally? Yes. Ready to go to bed? For whatever crazy reason, no. And I'm still wide awake, much to the chagrin of my poor, sleep lover of a husband who for whatever reason cannot sleep when I am awake and cannot wake up when I am asleep. I feel like doing something. Anything. I just don't feel like going to bed.
Am I rebelling against being grown up-ish? Maybe. Am I living it up because I am in my mid-twenties and I can be awake and I should stay awake while I have "the luxury?" I guess. I think I may be pushing against the notion of being a boring, married, grown up with a regular 40-hour-a-week job. I don't want to be routine and boring, but I also need sleep to function.
Am I having a quarter-life crisis? My 25th birthday is a short 6 months away...who knows? I don't feel like I'm in crisis mode. Things have been going well for me lately in a lot of different ways - Steven and I are getting along better now than I think we ever have in the entire 5 1/2 years we've been together, I am feeling more comfortable in my new position at work, I am taking good care of myself physically by attending at least 2-3 hard core cardio classes a week and watching what I eat, I have been spending time reading my Bible every day and trying to do my work and manage my life so that it is all for God....what's missing? I feel pretty happy all around.
Whatever the cause, whatever the reason, I am sitting here with my eyes wide - but the opposite of shut.
1 comment:
can i just tell you how excited i am to spend the night on saturday. we were going to stay over on friday too, but steve has to work sat morning and i have to work sat night so we're crashing at grammy's pad. :)
call me when you get a chance.
wee!!!
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